Unwanted knowledge

The last few months have exposed me to a world of new factual tidbits. Most of which are medically related. Here they are:

1. Alway bring your own bottoms to the hospital. The bottoms they have are way to big. I seriously asked if they had kid sizes. Unfortunately, kids go to a different wing in the hospital so that was a no. There is nothing like wearing pants that are three sizes to large to accentuate a dramatic weight loss.

2. Cleanses are for people that don't want a colonoscopy. The fluid you drink before a colonoscopy cleanses you just fine. That's how you know it's working. I have pictures of my colon and it is clean.

3. Salt is absolutely the best flavor enhancer ever. It's even better then MSG. Don't believe me, try not eating for a month to realign your perspective.

4. The worst time to be watching basic cable is from 5am to 8am. Many cable stations go to paid programming at some point, but 5am seems to be when the last hold-outs give in. Conveniently, I did my best sleeping around this time during my last hospital stay.

5. A hospital is the worst place to work (at least for good paying jobs). Think about it, you spend all your time in close proximity to sick people. Then if you ever become sick or inured, you get to spend more time in the hospital. I'll take a fishing boat any day.

6. I'm slowly becoming the most ironic man ever. I live in the fattest country on earth, yet I'm trying to gain as much weight as possible. Luckily, we have an endless supply of white bread and cheese to aid in my quest. Plus, low calorie fillers like like vegetables and almost all fruit are off limits. Maybe this is a true American diet.

7. I didn't realize the appeal of tablets until I sat in a hospital bed for two weeks. I can do more on my phone then I can on my IPad (thank you android), but there is still that allure of a larger screen. Combine that with the desire to lay around and you get the target buyers for tablets. Tablets are for people that think it is worth loosing 90% of a laptop's functionality for the smaller form factor. I hope to use the IPad very little once I'm fully recovered.

8. The foods I craved the most when I wasn't eating anything in the hospital were: ice-cream and ribs. After going to a liquid/easily digestible diet: pizza, tacos, and ribs.

9. Us engineers really need to come up with an alternative to the human body. Seriously, this thing is rife with problems.

10. The people that speak the loudest are usually the people I don't want to listen to. This certainly applies to the Internet. When researching Crohn's disease, I found many people/websites making some serious claims based their own experience, or outdated facts. Unless you believe that doctors are trying to keep you ill to extract more money, these people are full of shit. Every health related topic is like this.

11. JFK dealt with some serious health issues. Learning this makes me think much more highly of him.

12. Apparently your stool is liquid until it reaches the colon. This makes me think, why do we have a colon? Sure it extracts moisture, but how much energy and space would be saved if it wasn't there. Evolution has neglected the bowel.

13. People are uncomfortable talking about bowel movements. Get over it, because I will go there.

14. Hippies/greenies and etc must be really upset with amount waste generated by the medical industry. Everything that is sterile comes in a plastic bag, and since everything is sterile...

15. Sitting next to a person in the hospital bed tends to be worse than being that person. Until you get leave of course.

16. The taste of nutritional energy drinks are highly dependent on cost and calorie content. For instance, Ensure < Ensure Plus, and Off brand < Ensure. Thus far my favorite is the homemade vanilla shake Ensure Plus. I can drink it warm. Carnation Instant Breakfast THC vanilla is a close second. If this is an important topic to you, let me know. I have more knowledge to share.